I always knew there was something I didn’t trust about Michael Vick. Thanks to Jonathan Lee Riches for shining some light on all the wrongs that Vick has committed against him. To think, had I not read this filing, I never would have know that Vick:

  • Violated this man’s rights under the 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 8th, and 14th amendments (really, the second amendment? how did he affect your right to bear arms?)
  • Attempting to sue for $63 billion, he actually managed to sue for $63 billion billion (backed by gold and silver by the way)
    • $63,000,000,000,000,000,000 – I know player’s salaries are ludicrous, but come on
    • Assuming my math is correct, that is 1300 times more than the combined Gross Domestic Products of every country in the world in 2006!
  • Vick stole two dogs
    • Damaged RFID chips
    • Fought the dogs
    • Sold them on ebay
  • Bought missles from IRAN (didn’t see that coming, did you)
  • Pledged allegiance to Al-qaeda
  • Subjected him to microwave testing
  • Used drugs in school zones
  • Is “in the business of” illegal steroids
  • Managed to “physically hurt feelings” (I’d pay money to know how this is even possible)
  • Is ordered to stop “dashing my hopes”

Wow. Reading that lawsuit was undeniably the highlight of my day. I am a little sorry that Vick will have to spend real time and money fighting these slanderous and obviously false claims, but it brought a little humor to my day.